Hi there, sorry for the long silence, I should have done this a while ago but I had to let some issues take front row for some days now. But now i'm back. Thank you for your patience.
Some weeks back I shared some ways on how we can improve our relationship with our children so here's is the concluding part of that topic.
In the last part we highlighted some points to help us improve our relationship with our growing children so here are a few more to help us on our way to being better parents.
-Trust: trust is a foundation of every relationship, as our children grow older, we have to give them every opportunity to trust us and to depend on us to be there for them...check out this scenario; when your child was a baby, it was the trust that child had for you that could make him jump from an elevated position right into your arms when you told him to jump but imagine you step aside instead of catching him? Do you think your child will trust you the next time? Of course not! That also applies when they are older. From the start your children need to know they can trust you for their emotional and physical needs. When we make promises, we need to fulfill them we need to pick them up on time From anywhere they go e.g school, party etc
"I remember When my Son was in Year 3, he came to me one day
and asked that I Buy him a wristwatch to school and when I gave
him the watch the following morning he asked me what time will I
be picking him from school so he will be on the look out for me
Once it's time "
Trust does not mean you Blindly trust what your teenage daughter tells you...but not giving up on your child no matte what. Trust means she will always know your arms are always opened to recieve her and assure her everything will be alright.
Encouragement: my Son calls his father his super hero, he always looks forward to his father's approval at every chance he gets. Fathers need to encourage their children especially their Sons. It is one of the reasons why you are there in their lives they watch you and belive in all you do so if all you do is to criticize that child he will grow up to see you as an enemy, he won't feel good about himself children are like plants, they are programmed by nature to grow and blossom. They watch what we do and how we live our lives. It shapes their future.
Respect:respect must be mutual, just the way it is with our friends and colleagues at work, so it is with our children so as much as you expect respect from your kids you need to respect their opinions and their feelings...respect has to be mutual they will grow up showing respect to everyone around them. There are some words we should never use for our kids ; "are you stupid?" "Shut up and listen to what am about to tell you" words like these have their way of impacting on the kids negatively this is the way they will address people when they interact with others show respect when you ask for favors, be polite when you need their help. The fac that we are their parents does not give us the right to speak to them in an audacious manner because how we treat them determines how they are treated outside and how they treat others.
Start a communication habit early: remember that communicating with your child is important, it brings a kind of closeness between you and your child that is special. I have heard men and women alike talk about how their children would rather confide in their spouses instead of them and how bad that makes them feel. But it does not have to be that way if you can develop a well balanced relationship with your child (especially in his early childhood) that child will feel comfortable relating and communicating anything to you. Always give a listening ear; you might not have the time, it might not make sense but you are building that connection between you and your child. Ask your child how the day went when you pick him from school, if anything special happened, who is his favorite teacher and why, which lesson did he enjoy today etc and you will find out where your child' s strength lies and how he communicates with his teacher and others around him. If your child develops the habit of talking to you while you don't pay attention, when he is older older he will feel talking to you is a waste of his time because you won't listen anyway.
Stop nagging: Our African mothers could nagg for the world if you give them the chance, complaining all the time could set children off; find a way to deal with issues rather than nagging all the time resist the urge...yes, I know how it feels but find other ways to pass your message rather than constant naggin, and punishing. Don't punish when you are angry because it will giv a negative impression rather punish(if it's necessary) or correct immediately they commit an offense and let them know why they are being punished that way you set the limits. Otherwise the more you act out of emotional outburst, the more your children will see that as your weakness.
On a final note to all parents with teenage children, remember not to take all things personal,teenagers have mood swings, they can choose to ignore everyone around them for one whole day it does not necessarily mean something is wrong. Your child might want to hang out more with his friends than spending time at home, give them space to discover themselves but keep your doors open, remain available not only physically but also emotionally for when he needs someone to confide in let his choice be you and when there's a misunderstanding between you two, be positive about it, don't let it build up it might only need to another.
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