Sex and Sexuality:how to talk to your child and types of questions they ask

So this is the concluding part of our previous post on sex education. You and I know that raising kids

takes a lot for a parent, and there is no manual or directions as to how to go about it,all we can do is 

train our kids with the values and beliefs we were also raised with. This is why you will hear people say things like "you can't teach me how to raise my kids" but the truth of the matter is; as much as no one can teach you how to raise your kids, it is a general knowledge that every relationship requires good nurturing and no one is an island in that aspect.

Therefore we must know that part of nurturing our relationship with our children is to ensure that they are well groomed in all areas of life, and sex education has been the least part of that knowledge that we are impacting on our kids. As I said in the last post that lots of parents find it difficult to have this type of conversation with their children, mostly because they also lacked first experience in sex

education; from their own parents. Since our parents did not educate us on sex and sexuality, we also feel awkward discussing about sex and sexuality with our own children. 

So I will encourage you to follow me on this journey as we explore how to relate with our children on sex and sexuality, also we never know what type of question to expect from them, I'm going to highlight some questions from different age groups so that we can know what to say when we are confronted with these types of questions. So here we go.

In my previous post I had already mentioned two points on how we can talk to our kids about sex and sexuality so let's see  more steps that can help us.

What kind of things should I tell my kids?: it is important to give our kids truthful, useful and accurate information that conveys our own values about sex and sexuality, it is also important to prepare them to make responsible choices whenever they become sexually active.

How can I make our conversation more comfortable?: I know that having this type of conversation can be uncomfortable at first but it will get easier in time.Glad I have started mine, I

encourage you to start yours if you haven't. It is common for parents and their kids to feel

embarrassed or uncomfortable when talking to one another about sex. So saying something like "it is 

totally normal that this feels akward, but I want you to know that I love you and care about you so we need to talk about important things like this." And with time it will get easier, the hardest part are usually the first time. The key is to keep the conversation open and ongoing. Pay attention when they express themselves, listening to them shows them that we are interested in and respect whatever they have to say, we don't always have to agree with what we hear, but it is important to pay attention to what they say. I know it can be tempting to jump in and give our point of view, but if we spend some

 time to just listening and asking question, we help our kids learn how to explain their ideas clearly.  This way, we strengthen our relationship and show them they can rely,trust and count on us; we can also show we understand their point of view by simply making statements like "I think I see where you are coming from" or " I understand what you are feeling and I often felt that way when I was your age too..." 

How do I answer my kid's questions on sexuality?: our kids have several reasons for asking

questions on sex and sexuality, sometimes it's out of plain curiosity or needing help in making a decision or making sense of the word. They May also need to be reassured that certain developments in their bodies are normal. They might sometimes disguise their real questions with other questions, so no matter how the question is asked, kids always need honest and factual answers. You can try to find out what is really being asked so a seemingly straight forward question might be helpful, try to say things like " what have you heard about that?",

"what do you think about that?" 

"What do you know" 

try not to answer with too many information, try to be short and simple and after giving an answer, try to encourage a follow up question by saying 

" is there anything else you would like to know?" Also check their understandng by saying 

" does that answer your question?.

And if you don't have an answer to the question, it is perfectly fine, Google  has answers to so many questions so you can look it up together. This is one of the best ways to teach your child about sex and sexuality. Seeking information together online or in books can help build a respectful and trusting  relationship as well as model how our kids can seek answers on their own.

Finally here are some questions that I came across which you can expect from your child. I m not 

saying these are all the questions your child will ask but here are the most common ones they ask,any child can ask any other questions that will not be mentioned below. But this will prepare you to know what to expect your child to ask about on sex and sexuality. I will break them down into three age categories.

Questions Preschoolers ask

-How do Babies get in the tummy?:Lol sounds funny right? But remember to be truthful and accurate, a child of this age does not need too many details. 

-what is that?: ( pointing to a woman's breast) remember it's wrong to be naked in the presence of your child, be a toddler or not but in a case such happens, or they see it on tv, as an adult you should know how to address the question but again remember to be truthful and accurate.

-How come I have a penis/ vagina and you don't?: I say it again it is wrong to dress up in the presence of your child. Remember that some children like to play with their private parts, try to explain to her that she is not supposed to be touching that, it is a private part of her body.

Questions primary schoolers ask

-Is it okay to touch myself? We all do don't we? Lol so you let him know it's ok if only it is done in private.

-What is AIDS/HIV and how do people get it?: as an adult you should know how to address the question.

-Do boys have periods?:  if perhaps he sees his mother in her period.

-Why does my penis rise in the morning:  biological explanation is a good enough explanation.

-If I like a girl/boy  can I call her /him or does that mean he/she is my girlfriend/boyfriend?: let your child know the difference between a like and a crush for an opposite sex and why it's inappropriate to refer to someone you like as a boyfriend or girlfriend. You can use a past experience of yourself as an example so he/she will have a clearer understanding.

Questions Teenagers ask

-How do you know when puberty is over?: give her facts because that is what she wants to know then end it like " do you have anymore question about puberty? Or does that answer your question"

-Do you think my breast will be big like yours? ( talking to her mum especially if the mother is more endowed) because she's getting more conscious of her body let her know that all breasts are normal either big or small.

-Is it true that a girl can get pregnant once she starts menstruating?: because she's getting conscious of her body let her know the biological implications of engaging in  sex.

-Should people have sex when they are in love?: let her know that sex and love are two different things  in a relationship, one can survive without the other. Sex on the other hand is a huge step that comes with more responsibility.

-Does it hurt to loose your virginity?: in this case biological explanation would do, meanwhile remind her of the implications of engaging in sex.

Phew! There you have it. (It took me weeks to put up this post but thanks to my son who gave me the courage to do it now.) 

On a final note there is a something that a friend of mine commonly say and that is: the best way to get to a destination on time is to start at the right time, do you want to have the best out of your relationship with your child? Do you want to earn your child's trust and confidence? Then let's see you work it out with these easy steps. These are my own experiences would you like to tell us about your own experience? Kindly use the comment section and if you like the post why don't you share with your friends. You can also like us on facebook and Twitter.